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Latest Activity: Nov 20, 2015
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This fella walks into a bar, and notices one guy at one end of the bar, and another feller at the other end. He sits in the middle and orders a beer. After beer #2, he couldnt help but notice the fella down on the right end was lighting his cigarette with a huge lighter..... Well, after a couple more beers, curiousity got the best of him so he went down and asked the guy, "Hey Mr, couldnt help but notice the huge lighter you got, where'd you get it"? The guy said, "see that feller at the other end of the bar"? "Well, he is a Genie, he gave it to me" The guy said no way, he's not really a Genie, is he? He said oh yes he is, he granted me a wish! The fella asked him, you reckon he'd grant me a wish? He said, dont know, go and ask him yer self.... So he walked down there and asked the feller, "hey, that guy down there said you was a Genie, is that right"? The Genie said, thats right, I am a Genie, I will grant you one wish, what is your one wish? The guys said, I want a million bucks! And POOF...there were ducks everywhere flying around, knocking stuff over and crapping everywhere! So the guy got down and crawled all the way to the other end of the bar and asked the first guy, "Hey is that Genie hard of hearing"? Fella responded, "Ya think, Do ya think I asked for a 12 inch Bic"?"????
I like that one, horn beeping all the time
That was a good one, Eve!!
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'... I just lost it.'
This is your typical Wedding Day Payback Prank!!Well, as far as weddings go, it was you typical overspent Wedding Day Wedding at my Sister's and New Brother-in-Law's Church. The reception was as awesome as it could be. As the adults were enjoying the reception, the younguns were out decorating my oldest Sister's (but four years younger than me) car, a 1975 Ford LTD, similar to the one above.Well, I moseyed away from the reception to see how the decorating was going. The kids had done the usual cans behind the car, along with some panties and a hooter booster, Just Married and some other innuendos, written on the back window. and the car was TPed also.The kids had stated that there was nothing else to do to the car, and I told them that they had a great beginning, but now it was my turn!!I opened the trunk of my car to retrieve a small toolbag, to which I pulled out a screwdriver, and a sack of rocks, then proceeded to remove the hubcaps, and put a half a dozen rocks in each hubcap, then remounting them on the wheels. Then I took out my locked door entry tool, and opened the front drivers door. Then I asked one of the kids to get all the bags balloons out of mine and my wife's car. I pulled a can of shaving cream out of my toolbag, then proceeded to cover the vinyl front seats, the steering wheel, the shiftlever, and the inner door handles. Then the kids and I stuffed all the balloons we could in the car. We couldn't get another one in there!! Well .............. now we were DONE!!Not long after, my Sister and her now neutered boyfriend, oooooops, I mean Hubby, came running out of the church, with rice and streamers flying!!Mike, my new Brother-in-Law, unlocked the front door, open it, and tried to shove my Sister in!! Well ......... she bounced out!!At this point I hear him mumbling something but couldn't make it out? Rice still beaning the both of them, and I heard my Sister say, "Steve did this, I just know it!" Well, after digging out almost all the balloons in the front seat, they jumped into a totally cover front seat full of shaving cream. At that time, Mike, is getting acquainted with me, and what I'm all about, and in front of the preacher and everyone calls me a "Sorry, Mother Sucka, well almost that, but you get the idea!After, scraping as much as he could on the ground with his New white reception shirt sleeve, he and my Sister jump in the car, and slide all the way to the passenger seat! I won't repeat what Mike said then!! All I have to say is, everyone else was having a ball !He fired that LTD up, slammed it into drive an took off to a sound of clang, clang, clang, in his hupcaps, and cans in tow! He don't know the difference, yet!Well, a block down the road, he turned left, with his new bride hugged up tight to him, then they both slid over to the passenger side yet again!He jumps out, tries to clean the seat some more, and runs around the back of the car, snatches the cans off, (Cause next was the interstate drive) all in plain view from the Church.My, dad whispers in my ear, that I ought to have my ASS beat, but it was damn funny!They took off again, with some more clang, clang, clang, three block down, and a right turn, then another 200 yards and they were on Interstate, headed for Orlando. Once there, at every stoplight, and stop sign, my New Brother-in-Law was removing rocks from hubcaps!!To this day, I think he still, ain't over it?
This little story is about my Dear Son Neil, most people know him as Burd Dawg!
It starts off with a particular kind of Southern Delicacy, commonly known as Pickled Sausage.
Every Red Blooded Southern American Male, just loves these things!! And the great part is when you are done with the sausage, you can use the pickle juice to make yet a better Southern Delicacy, Pickled Eggs!!
When Burd Dawg was about 15 years old, we had finished up a gallon jug of Pickled Sausage, and he put in to making our very own batch of Pickled Eggs using the left over Pickle Juice. I agreed, and went out an purchased 3 dozen Cackle Berries, Eggs for y'all up North ... LOL
I brought them home, and Burd Dawg commenced to beggin to let him make them, I agreed. And some 2 hours later I noticed a gallon jug full of eggs.
Now, to wait 3 weeks for them to pickle real good!!
Finally 3 weeks had gone by, and I was kicked back drinking a Miller Lite, while watching a good Football Game on TV, and thought of those Pickled Cackle Berries!!
So, I asked Burd Dawg to bring me a few. He brought me a paperplate with 3 or 4 on it, and to took hold of one, and it still had it's shell on it?
Well ....... i was confused to say the least, and asked Burd Dawg why the heck he didn't shell the Cackle Berries before putting them in the Pickle Juice!!
His reply: "Dang, dad how could I do that and keep the insides intact?"
I said, "WHAT the heck are you talking about?"
He replied again, "Dad how could I do that and keep the insides intact?"
I said, "You boil them, dingbat!!"
"Oh, You do?" he asked, "I thought the pickle juice did that!!"
I need not go any further with this story.
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