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Latest Activity: Mar 17, 2018
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This is hilarious!!! Awoooooooooooooooooo!!! :P~~
Norwegian Volunteer Fire Dept
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."But the roaring flames held the firefighters offSoon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief,"What are you going to do with all that money?""Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first ting ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!
50 years together Their three children, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1.'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift." "Not to worry," said the father. "Important thing is we're all together today." Son No. 2 arrived. "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from LA between depositions & didn't have time to shop for you." "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come." Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss issending me out of town & I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything." After they had finished dessert, the father said,"There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time."You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much,but we just never found the time to get married." The three children gasped and said, "WHAT? You mean we're bastards?""Yep", said the father, "Cheap ones too..."
small boy named Hameed lived in a village in Morocco. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Hameed!!!!!"One day Hameed's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform....... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Hameed, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover!!!!! .........Don't tell me you thought that Hameed became a doctor !?!
a guy was wearing a rollex watch,,,,asked where he got it,,,he said,,,well a beautiful rich lesbian couple just moved in next door,,,,and they asked me what i wanted for christmas,,,,,,but i think they misunderstood me when i said, , "i wanna watch!"
Duck HuntersA woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?""Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.."How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked onin amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat satback on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
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