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Fun and Jokes

The Place to come and enjoy good Jokes and Funny Stories.

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Latest Activity: Nov 20, 2015

Fun & Jokes

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Comment by Racepro on March 16, 2015 at 8:59pm

A Cowboy by the name of Bud was overseeing his herd of cows in a remote mountainous pasture in Northern California when a 2015 BMW advanced towards him with a cloud of dust trialing behind.

The driver exited the car wearing a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, YSL tie, and Rayban sunglasses.  Then walked up to the cowboy and asked him “ If I tell you how just how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Thinking about it for a few seconds, then looking at the man as though he was looking at an educated idiot, the cowboy replied “ Sure why not ?“

The man whips out his IPhone gets the co-ordinance of his location, then feeds it to a NASA Satellite that takes a high resolution pictures of the surrounding area.  He then open the digital image in his photoshop software on his IPhone, then sends the image to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds the data from the image is sent to him in a 100 page report in his e-mail account, then he prints it out with a printer located in his BMW, returns to the cowboy and tells him “ You have 1,586 cows and calves in your herd”

“ You are so right “ replied Bud, “ feel free to pick out one of my animals,”  

Bud watched the man with amusement, pick out one of his animals then load it into the trunk of his car.

As the man is getting into his ride, Bud asked the man, “ If I can tell you what business you are in, will you give me my animal back? “

The fella thinks about it for a few seconds and replies “  Sure, why not, if you can guess what I do for a living I’ll give you back your calf “

Bud tells the man, “ I don’t need to guess what you do, I know exactly what you do for a living.  You are a U.S. Congressman. “

“ Wow you are correct, how did you know that? “  Bud, answered “ You showed up here even though no one called you; you wanted to be paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.  You used millions of dollars worth of equipment to prove to me how much smarter than me you are.  And, you know nothing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter.  Because this is a herd of sheep, ………… and can I now have my dog back? “     

Comment by Eve ♥24CE on March 5, 2015 at 9:12pm

roflmao,,,thx for the laughs steve,,,,,

Comment by Racepro on March 5, 2015 at 7:51pm
Texas
   
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”
Comment by Racepro on March 5, 2015 at 7:50pm
Tennessee
   
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”
Comment by Racepro on March 5, 2015 at 7:49pm
North Carolina
   
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”
Comment by Racepro on March 5, 2015 at 7:48pm
Mississippi
   
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number”
Comment by Racepro on March 5, 2015 at 7:48pm
Louisiana
   
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”
Comment by Racepro on March 5, 2015 at 7:46pm
Georgia
   
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”
Comment by Racepro on March 5, 2015 at 7:45pm
Florida
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll let you go..”
The old gentleman paused then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”
“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.
Comment by Gray Wolf on February 27, 2015 at 4:29pm

This is hilarious!!! Awoooooooooooooooooo!!! :P~~ 

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/funny-wolves.jpg

 

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