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Dan was in the fertilized egg business.He had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.He kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.His favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.To his amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.Dan was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Dowerin Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.If you don't send this on, you're chicken, no yoke!
BARRACK OBAMA/"POST TURTLE"
when you see a turtle balanced on a post,you know he didn't get up there himself,doesnt belong there and you wonder what kind of moron put him up there....
"happy fathers day"
my lesbian neighbors stopped by and asked me what I wanted for fathers day so I said,"don't get mad for what im gonna say but you two are so hot and I just wanna watch".
so...........................they got me a timex..
Mom asked Little Johnny if he had enjoyed his school's field trip."Yeah, it was great! We saw sheep, horses, goats, and fuckers."Mom said, "Uh, fine, fine. I know what sheep, horses and goats are, but what is a, er, um, 'fucker'?"Johnny aid, "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk."Mom said, "But who said they were called, er, you know, 'fuckers'?"Johnny replied, "That was our teacher.""She actually called them 'fuckers'!" said Mom, astonished."Well actually she called them 'effers,' but we all knew what she meant."
A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"
The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......
"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"
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