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Latest Activity: Dec 7
Started by Gordo. Last reply by Racepro Jul 3.
What is NASCAR and Goodyear up to this season? Continue
Tags: to, this, season?, up, Goodyear
small boy named Hameed lived in a village in Morocco. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Hameed!!!!!"One day Hameed's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform....... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Hameed, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover!!!!! .........Don't tell me you thought that Hameed became a doctor !?!
a guy was wearing a rollex watch,,,,asked where he got it,,,he said,,,well a beautiful rich lesbian couple just moved in next door,,,,and they asked me what i wanted for christmas,,,,,,but i think they misunderstood me when i said, , "i wanna watch!"
Duck HuntersA woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?""Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.."How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked onin amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat satback on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
Walking into the bar, I said to the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.''Oh yeah?' said the bartender, 'And how did this one end?''When it was over,' I replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.''Really?' said the bartender, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
Three Aussie blokes working up an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife. Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'... Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?''Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies. 'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?' 'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow." She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'Then I said...'I'll betcha a case of beer you are
Q: You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop-off, and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?A: Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round.
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