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Fun and Jokes

The Place to come and enjoy good Jokes and Funny Stories.

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Latest Activity: on Monday

Fun & Jokes

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Comment by Racepro on Monday

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

Comment by Eve 24 ♫ on August 2, 2015 at 10:10am

Comment by Eve 24 ♫ on July 10, 2015 at 12:03am

johnny went to the zoo with his mom and saw an elephant,,,he said,,,whats that long thing hanging down,,mom said,,,thats his trunk,,,johnny said,,no further back,,,mom said that's his tail,,,johnny said,,no,,in the middle,,,mom said,,oh, that's nothing....then,,,johnny went to the zoo with his dad,and saw the elephant, ,and asked whats that long thing hanging down,,,dad said, that's his trunk,,,no  further back,,,dad said that's his tail,,,johnny said,,no in the middle,,dad said that's his penis,,,johnny said,,,mom said it was NOTHING,,dad said,,,well, she has been spoiled,,,

Comment by Eve 24 ♫ on July 9, 2015 at 9:59am

I love the jokes, guys, keep them up,,

Comment by Racepro on July 8, 2015 at 5:05pm

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.

 

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out,

 

Are you okay, what's your name?"

 
 

"Its David , and I’m Okay thanks," I replied.

 

"David , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

 
 

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on," Elizabeth  insisted.

 

She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive.... I was weak.

 
 

"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

 
 

After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

 
 

"Don't be silly! Elizabeth  said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

 
 

"Under the cart" I said....    

Comment by Racepro on July 8, 2015 at 5:01pm

Dan was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
His favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To his amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Dan was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Dowerin Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.
If you don't send this on, you're chicken, no yoke!

Comment by Tombo on July 8, 2015 at 3:00am

BARRACK OBAMA/"POST TURTLE"

when you see a turtle balanced on a post,you know he didn't get up there himself,doesnt belong there and you wonder what kind of moron put him up there....

Comment by Eve 24 ♫ on June 21, 2015 at 7:01pm

lol, tombo,,,,

Comment by Tombo on June 21, 2015 at 1:54pm

"happy fathers day"

my lesbian neighbors stopped by and asked me what I wanted for fathers day so I said,"don't get mad for what im gonna say but you two are so hot and I just wanna watch".

so...........................they got me a timex..

Comment by Eve 24 ♫ on June 11, 2015 at 7:04am

Mom asked Little Johnny if he had enjoyed his school's field trip.
"Yeah, it was great! We saw sheep, horses, goats, and fuckers."
Mom said, "Uh, fine, fine. I know what sheep, horses and goats are, but what is a, er, um, 'fucker'?"
Johnny aid, "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk."
Mom said, "But who said they were called, er, you know, 'fuckers'?"
Johnny replied, "That was our teacher."
"She actually called them 'fuckers'!" said Mom, astonished.
"Well actually she called them 'effers,' but we all knew what she meant."

 

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